Ashes to Ashes
by paintedallup
Summary: Lois/Dean Series. Dean and Lois are married but he dies. She soon finds she is pregnant and demons are after her and her baby because he is important. While Lois and Sam are fighting demons, Castiel brings back Dean who is coming back to save his family.
1. Chapter 1

I should have seen it coming from the start, the moment I became a part of this family that has been marked with death from the very start, that this happiness we were given could be and would be taken away just as fast as it was given.

(and now all that's left is growing deep inside)

"_I do_."

I said those words as fast as I could, yearning to be his and his alone (to become a _Winchester_, even if it comes with ashes and blood), and from the beginning of this I knew one day I would be saying these words and never regretting them a _damn_ bit.

"I do."

And he did the one thing the world thought he would never do, finally his eyes focused on one girl and I was lucky it was me, became a husband without a regret and with a smile.

"You may kiss the bride."

"_Finally_."

-

But now it's hard to think of the good times, the rings that still never leave our fingers (the one that would be buried deep), when all of it was crashing to the ground and I could do nothing to stop it.

"_Dean_!"

Hands pulled at me trying to keep me from the blood and guts that he had turned into (covering the little wife's eyes from seeing what will break her), going and doing the very thing we knew was coming from the first day.

(we should have braced ourselves for the world to finally strip away our bliss, and right now they did just that)

"No! _Oh_ _god_, no!"

The only one I let all the way in (who slowly broke down the brick wall surrounding my heart), the one I had loved more then anyone in this whole goddamn world, was gone even as I held what was left of him in my arms.

"I love you, Dean, I love you so _goddamn_ much!"

-

It's time to cry, to scream, to curse the gods, and most of all it's time to mourn my other half who I see, every moment I shut my eyes, burning in _hellfire_.

(and every time I pray to the angels, I don't know if they are truly real, to save his soul)

But instead of living out these days of tears and anger in peace, no demons knocking on my doors (and no _brothers-in-law_ becoming just that), I'm hit with a tidal wave aimed for what's left of me.

"_Son of a bitch_, this is not happening, this can not be happening."

"Lois, what's wrong?"

Little brother who is now by my side for all of this, tears also falling from his eyes (and mouth stuck to way to many beer bottles) but still he pushes it all down to protect me.

(when really I should be the one protecting him, leading him into the light of day)

"Sam, oh god, I'm _pregnant_."

-

This horror story of ours (that is never going to end until we're all dead) was far from ending, nope, it was just beginning.

If enough wasn't going on (finding out you're mommy without daddy) in came the creatures of the night to do what their best at, ruin our lives with bloody hands and the need to take away everything we have left.

(they took away husband, the only one I had, and now they want _baby_)

"Bobby, we've had five attacks in one freaking day, what the hell is going on?"

"The only thing that makes sense (beside them hating your guts, but we know that one already) is that those _sons of bitches _are after Lois and the baby. This started after she found out and I have a feeling that it won't stop until they have her."

I was slowly becoming stronger (not letting this drag me down) at each word knowing that I had to be not just for me but for the baby that was growing deep inside, the one that would wear the name _Winchester_ well.

(if only he has a chance to do so, if we can be strong enough to save the day and that I doubt very much)

"Then, Bobby, it won't end. Because those bastards won't get their hands on me or _John_."

"John? But you don't even know it's a boy."

"I know, I knew it from day one, _Sammy_."

-

"Lo, I have to ask you a favor, it's a big one and if you say no I'll understand. If I die-"

"Dean, that won't happen, please don't talk like that."

Even then I knew those words were meaningless death was a big part of our lives (ones we love and ones we try to save always faced death) and about to become even bigger, when it was his turn to face it.

(and this time he wasn't coming back, this time he was gone forever, or so I believed)

"No, I have to. It's about Sammy, dad wanted me to keep him on the right track, make sure he didn't turn evil. (because of the demon blood that he loves _oh-so _much) And if I don't make it, _shh_, I know someday I won't, Lo, I need to keep him save, both his body and his _soul_. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course, I would do anything for you, Dean, _anything_."

And because of that promise, the one that I will never break (or try my hardest to keep, for him, only him) even if it kills me, I spend my days looking after him (in between morning sickness, which is a bitch) and saving him from himself.

(and that is something I hope I can do, because it is going to be anything but easy)

-

While dealing with everything being thrown my way, I had no idea that my prayers (that we're said morning and night) at that very moment we're being answered by one of those angels I wasn't sure I believed in.

('_Castiel, I'm an angel of the lord')_

And that the white knight I was needing bad at this time was coming and coming soon and I had no idea that he was the one person I believed was buried six feet under, the one I couldn't live without and now wouldn't have to.

"_Lois_!"

With the breaking of soil and hands reaching for me (needing to hold me and say those words he never got to _'I love you_'), this horror story finally got it's hero and his name was Dean _freaking_ Winchester.


	2. Angel of the Lord

"I'm an angel of the lord."

When my head breaks free, and fingers stop digging up my own grave (when I should be nothing but _ashes_), the one who made it all happen is standing over me.

Claiming with a serious tone that he's one of the magnificent creatures my mother once told me of, whispered words of faith into my ears at bedtime, but the first thing I do is not believe.

"And I'm Matt _freaking_ Damon."

-

"Goodnight, honey, let the angels bliss your dreams."

Her tales of wonder, filled to the brim with holy light and those creatures that she believed in body and soul (only Sam following in her footsteps), were my bedtime stories each night that ended with a kiss and a smile.

(along with everything else I would miss with a deep ache in this busted heart of mine)

Along the way, when the darkness swallowed her up and ripped me open in one single blow, I lost that _innocence_ and the need for faith.

But I think, if this stranger speaks nothing but the truth, that might change when the real thing is right before my very eyes.

-

Wings began to stretch out until they were pure white and I can count each feather, and if this didn't give a good enough reason to believe I don't know what would.

(after all I'm whole, _flesh_ and _blood_, but most of all whole)

"Dean, we have no more time for your lack of faith, Lois Lane and your child are in grave danger."

At her name, her who had been on my mind (safety tucked away in this twisted soul of mine) at the moment of my death and was there once again, everything with her name came flooding back faster then all the rest.

"My _child_?"

(my child, my child? A little me, and he will be just as awesome)

I had worried that when I bit the dust all I would leave behind was a car but that was before I had her in my arms (making unbreakable vows with a smile) and then I found I was leaving behind a loving brother, a wife that is everything and more, but most all a child.

"Well, then, _Cas-afreaking-iel_, let's give our asses in gear and save the day, times a ticking away and we got places to be."

At the words child (_John_, how do I know that?) and danger I knew just what I had to do, save the only things in life I was living and breathing for, and do it fast.

After all I can't lose my world right after I just got it back.

(my world is her, it as been her from the start I just didn't know it yet)

-

**Past (wedding day):**

"Are you sure he's the _one_?"

It's a tradition of ours, me and little sister who was my whole world years ago (when my world was mean fathers and combat boots), to ask each other if the boyfriend of the moment is the '_one_' right before we take a huge step.

Going steady, moving in, and most of all wedding days (with white dresses and hunters galore) but this time when she asked I knew the answer before her lips started moving,

(unlike the millions of others that got the dreaded _no_)

"Yes, Lucy I knew that he was the one at day one (even with all the yelling and guns) and I still know it and I'll know till the day I die. Hopefully after I get to grow old with my husband."

In my life time I never thought those words would come from my life, after all the bad eggs that did nothing but break me apart, but I knew each word was filled with nothing but truth and I was ready to say '_I do'_ to him a millions times over.

(and smile wide as he did the same, making me _wife_ and him _husband_)

"Damn, Lo, I've never seen you like this, it's awesome and I hope you get everything you want."

From day one Lucy, who if you can believe it is even more reckless then me but good none the less, has been there for everything in my life and I've done the same for her.

(sisterhood is a bond not even the harshest evil can break apart)

I'm just glad that she's here to share the happiest day of my life and maybe someday I'll be there for her in the same way.

"You too, Luce, I've been seeing how you look at Sam and I approve. You two would be great together."

Both Dean and me can see how their eyes find each other every chance they get, as if speaking without the pesky use of words (words can break, eyes just burn), and the way their smiles turn up the second they see one another.

(smiles and eyes helping chase away their demons, who are fighting back with a vengeance)

"_Y-You do_?"

Instead of lying, keeping herself from saying she loved the brother with demon blood in his veins and heart (who can't fight it alone), her cheeks turn bright red and I know right then and there that it won't be long before she has her very own _one_.

And I'm about to become the other half to mine with just two little words, and I'm his for the rest of our lives (young or old, in sickness or health).

-

"How could you do that, Sam?! I told you not to call Lucy and you went behind my back. Don't you love her as much as me? Don't you want her save?"

My fists were balled and did nothing but hit his chest, a picture of Lucy's grave stuck in my mind (after funeral with burning matches), until I couldn't anymore, until the tears took over and the anger fell away.

"Of course I do, I love her, but Lois, she had to know. I knew that she would rush over here to help you but I had to."

Before I could scream anymore, scream my lungs out at the one it's my job to protect for bringing another losable life into this hell, Lucy was standing in our door way yet another person to see the tears that I thought we're all used up.

(millions spent on husband that I need more then anything now)

"Lucy, leave, please! I don't want you to get hurt-"

I want to say please until my voice fades, hoping it will make her leave and the pictures of the dead fade from my mind, her dead, Sam dead and all that's left is me.

(facing the _big damn world _by myself, while protecting baby along the way)

"Oh shut up and get your ass over here and hug your sister before I slap some sense into you."

Her arms engulfed me, just like they did the moment _'Dean's dead'_ fell from my dead and tear filled lips and I knew that she would be the one to hold us all up, keep me from falling to pieces and pull Sam's eyes to her and away from the _darkness_.

"Thank you, thank you so goddamn much, Luce. _I love you_."

"Ditto, big sis."


End file.
